Until I Can Call This Place Home.

18 Nov

I know I have been away for a long time now. It’s not like I haven’t had anything to say or I hadn’t had the time to write. Well, I haven’t had a lot of free time, but I may have been able to write a line or two. Every time I sat down to write something, I hated every word. Trust me you would have stopped reading this blog forever if I had published the gloomy thoughts and ideas I had after I had just arrived. The thing is that my whole moving to the US experience has been quite a rollercoaster of emotions far too complex to explain in a blog post. I am talking both about the legal aspect of moving as well as the emotional one. Allow me to elaborate.

I’ve always thought that moving to another country and learning all about their culture and their system had to be an exciting task. I was half-right. It is exciting, but while you’re in the process of doing it, IT SUCKS! Everything is so different and you make so many mistakes and screw things up so bad, that you start doubting yourself. You start comparing life here and there and you feel a certain rejection towards your new country. I am convinced everyone goes through the same when they first get to a foreign country, but I was so disappointed in myself for having these feelings because I had always considered myself very open-minded (I still think I am by Colombian standards) and also because I was convinced I was 100% prepared for the challenge. I was wrong.  The emotional upheaval of leaving your family behind and suddenly finding yourself living on your own is pretty overwhelming.

As I said before, this was something I had always longed; being independent and taking care of myself. However, it is not an easy task. I am not saying I regret my decision of coming here. I am really happy and thankful for all the things that I’ve experienced here. Especially last weekend, which was the best of my life. But man, living alone and being the boss of you is hard! You never know how much you depend on your mommy until you’re on your own. I’ve always thought that my family pampered me too much. My siblings didn’t grow up with me since we don’t have the same mom. I am an only child on my mom’s side and for a long time I was the only child in my family. I was used to constantly having people take care of me. That has changed now.

I think the smart part of my brain knew I needed to live on my own in order to become more mature. I must say that I’ve been told by a lot of people that I look very mature for my age and I think I am a mature and responsible person, but this has certainly  helped me become more independent. It has also helped understand a lot of things about life and human relations and obviously it has helped me understand American culture. Now I see why people here are so independent; it is part of their culture. I value my country a lot more now that I am not living in it. And just because it’s different, it doesn’t mean is a bad place. The US has good things, so does Colombia.  What I have to do now is continue living and experiencing it until I can call this place home.


5 Responses to “Until I Can Call This Place Home.”

  1. marjo perez November 19, 2009 at 8:54 pm #

    wow! teacher! even if we didn’t know each other as well, i think that having u as my yeacer helped me a lot with my writing but after u were gone and with this post that u posted make me realized that we can follow our dreams, but the hardest part is keeping then as a dream… and never look back for regret, and is awesome that u’re there so i wish u the best and i hope c u in the future in our lovely country 🙂
    PD: i don’t wish u good luck because u really don’t need it.
    kisses and hugs haha 😀

  2. Johann November 20, 2009 at 10:03 am #

    Majo long time not read! … It is hard to be away from your family, I have plans of my own to kind of “join ya!” next year, and I hope and I pray I fulfill those dreams, meanwhile, I know that even I want that so much, I know It’ll be difficult being away from my mom , siblings etc.

    Besides we’re not independents here, we eat our mom’s food, I have my clothes washed and ironed by her and I’ll have to learn how to do that on my own.
    Be patient and remember: “Home is where the heart is”
    PS: I noticed on your fb status “best wknd ever” and now u mention it here. Plzzz tell me why was it the best of your life!

  3. Gabriel November 20, 2009 at 10:24 am #

    There is nothing so trying as moving to a strange place far from home and your support. Success only comes to people of enterprise who are as intelligent and hard working as the land they move to. You are as well prepared for this transition and challenge as anyone I’ve ever known. I do not doubt you will rise to the occasion and meet with success in no uncertain terms.

    I am so proud of what you’ve accomplished, and it sounds like you’ve had a great impact on your students. A further accomplishment to be proud of.

    Keep it up Mangocita. I have faith in you.

  4. Paz November 21, 2009 at 7:47 pm #

    It’s great to see that you’re back. Next year Im leaving too and I already feel nervous. Happy but nervous. But Im sure that you will continue improving and when you realize you will be an amazing independent person.



  5. mangocita November 22, 2009 at 8:49 am #

    Marjo… your words mean a lot to me. Thanks!

    Johann… I missed writing too! That’s great that you’re planning to join me here. If you do, you definitely have to visit. And yes, get ready to get depressed! It’s going to hard at first, no matter how prepared you think you are. I can’t give many details about my weekend since it doesn’t involve just me, but I can say it was awesome. I saw people and places that made me feel happy, really happy.

    Gabriel… It makes me feel good about myself that you’re proud of me.
    I have faith in you and I as well. Thanks for everything.

    Paz… I am almost certain you’re going to Europe, right? That place definitely suits you. And as I’ve always said, no matter what comes of it, it would always be a great adventure. Peace!

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