That Tendency To Complain

20 Apr

It is so hard to understand why we feel the way we feel on certain occasions. And it is even harder to understand why we have the need to understand how we feel. The intricacies of the human mind and its thoughts and emotions are a mystery far too complicated for me to even attempt to figure out.

Still, some of us can’t help to wonder and ponder. We question our existence, our purpose in life, the choices we’ve made, God, the Universe and a plethora of other things.

One constant thing I’ve noticed we all have in common: that tendency to complain.

About almost everything.

Take me, for example. Oh, how much I wanted to get away from little old Barranquilla. How much I criticized its filthy streets, its ridiculously humid and hot weather, its nosy and somewhat ignorant people. Only to miss it as terribly as I miss it now.  How much I wanted to travel and get out. Only to want to come back as badly as I do now. How fickle of me. I must have told my friends how much I wanted to live alone like a million times; I’d had always wanted to be away from my family so I could be free and independent. Honestly, I do love the sense of freedom I get from living by myself. But then Sunday night comes and I feel so alone. And I complain. Or I cry on my bathroom floor. Or I do both.

And oh, how much do I complain about my job!  That rant about work deserves a whole three-page essay. Sometimes I laugh at myself when I think back on how much effort I put into getting me where I am now. I feel like going back in time and telling myself: “Yo! Silly Girl! Don’t stress too much about getting this job, you’re going to end up hating it!” And then I remember my friends who are still in Colombia trying to go abroad. And I see how badly they want it, and that’s exactly how I felt two years ago.

Take a more mundane thing. Like having plans for the weekend. Sometimes I’m overwhelmed with all the things I want to do, like read, watch movies, organize my closet, or give myself a manicure or pedicure. And then I’m home with no plans on the weekend and I start to complain again. I get depressed thinking: “I’m sure if I were home, I could just call a friend and do something fun” I do nothing but wallow in my misery.  I try to shake off the negative feelings by focusing on all the good things about my life. Sometimes it works. Other times, not so much. How unfair of me to complain about my life when I have so much compared to others. How selfish of me to say I’m unhappy when I am still alive and breathing.

Why is it that we are never happy with what we have? Is it simply our human nature to always want more? To be naturally greedy? Why do I keep wishing for everything to be different? How do I find contentment in what I already have, which according to some people is a lot already? Should I listen to my mom and start going to church? I doubt I would find answers in a concrete building. I sincerely doubt God resides in such a cold place. Should I see a shrink then? Should I take Prozac? Should I just smile and pretend things are fine while I pour myself another glass of wine?

I don’t really know the answers to those questions. Can someone please explain it to me? I also don’t know if there is a purpose for writing about all these personal things. I guess I just needed to vent. I needed to let out, once again, my tendency to complain.

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2 Responses to “That Tendency To Complain”

  1. Angie April 26, 2010 at 5:39 pm #

    Dear Mangocita,
    I´ve always wondered the answers of those questions too. What can I tell you about them? To be precise I think we are never satisfied. It seems that when we get something we want so badly we start so see that there is a bunch of stuff that don´t work in our lives. Things like these: We are not thin enough, we are not clever enough, we are not happy enough, we are not good enough, and I could write more and more things that go with this but I will say that those feelings are part of our humanity. We are always searching for happiness, and sometimes we are not able to enjoy just the moments. Enjoy every part of the day, even when bad things happen, as you say: Everything happens for a reason. I KNOW, it´s totally true. Life is not perfect, but has a mission for each one of us. The difficult thing here is to discover the path to understand.
    I’m with you baby, hang in there ’cause this train is moving fast.
    Love,
    Angie

    • mangocita May 27, 2010 at 8:22 pm #

      Merci beaucoup for your message Angie. As you could see, I had abandoned my blog for a whole month. You more than anyone know how I’ve been feeling.

      Thank you so much for your words last weekend. It was a very rough day for me and I know for you too. And it means a lot to me that amidst your pain, you took the time to try to make me feel better.

      I love you petit lapin!

      M

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