Archive | September, 2010

Dear Universe,

24 Sep

(Or whoever is in charge of the stuff that happens in the world)

Can you please tell whoever or whatever creature, supernatural force or whatever the hell that is opening my drawers at work to stop?

I really hate closing them and then finding all four of them completely open again after I leave my seat for a minute. It is really annoying when I put a document on my file cabinet and then five minutes later, it turns up on my desk again. It’s not funny and you’re freaking me the hell out. Also, you’re making me look like a crazy person in front of my students when I ask them “Did any of you guys open this drawer? Tell me the truth!”

It is very inconvenient when my pens, important documents, and students’ quizzes mysteriously disappear from my desk right after I put them there.

Seriously, it is not funny. I’m getting tired of it. As I am also getting tired of hearing footsteps on the deck when I’m doing dishes. Or hearing weird noises when I go to bed at night.

If this is some kind of karma for something I’ve done, please send me a sign so I can make it right. I don’t want to lose my mind.

Thanks for your attention,

M

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He’s Here!

22 Sep

This has been(or had been) one crappy day which was very likely to happen considering I’d had a crappy night too.  Work was tough and seriously made me want to break my own rule of not blogging about work. And not even my yummy snack of a Granny Smith apple and pita chips made me feel any better.

But!

The following picture totally made my day!

After 9 long months, he’s here!

My godson, Justin Zambrano Vargas!

Isn’t he just adorable? He’s the cutest baby ever! I can’t wait to meet him in person! I’m so proud of his mommy! And even though she is the one who just gave birth,  you have no idea how emotional I’ve been since I found out! And I’m so excited!  Can’t you tell from all the exclamation marks?!

PS: Justin, if you ever read this blog, I want to say that I tried really hard to convince your dad not  to name you Justin. I know you don’t want to have the same name of an annoying 16 year-old singer or the guy who thinks he brought sexy back. But you know your dad. He can be really stubborn at times. Besides, the other options he gave your mom weren’t any better. Like, Dante or Owens. Anyway, no matter what name you got, we still love you very much.

XOXO,

Your Godmother

10 Annoying Things That Men Do

14 Sep

Today I’ve been feeling, let’s say, moody. But the adjectives hormonal, enraged, annoyed, frustrated and utterly exhausted are also applicable. As therapy, I went out for a jog, got to see a beautiful sunset, ditched cooking and got take-out for dinner. Also, I had a glass of wine  and wrote lousy, angsty poetry in my journal while I inhaled the aroma of two scented candles (Pumpkin Spice and Meadow Rain) I lit. And after that, I watched crappy TV with my roommate. We watched this show called Undateable on VH1 which is like a countdown of things that make a man seem completely undesirable.

So, instead of writing something productive here and inspired by frivolous television, I compiled a brief list of offenses that I’ve witnessed men commit during my not-so-experienced dating life and which I consider are deal-breakers*.  Some of these were also mentioned on the show.

10- Talking about video games or sports non-stop

This is only because I don’t like neither video games nor sports, but really it could be any topic. Basically, if someone is unable to carry a conversation about something other than what they’re interested in, you’re wasting your time talking to that person. I know I get on my soapbox sometimes when I talk about grammar or languages for instance, but I can usually tell when I’m boring the other person to death and it’s time for me to shut up. Conversation is a two-way street; you can’t expect your interlocutor to be engrossed listening to your rambles about whatever. People really should learn to read body language and know when it’s the other person’s turn to talk.

9- Grabbing his crotch in public

Are guys on some kind of testosterone overload when they feel the need to hold their testicles in public? Is it a way to reassert their manhood? Does it show the world that you’re in control of your gonads and therefore, the world? Can you imagine if women started grabbing their boobs like that? I have to confess this is not something that I absolutely hate as long as they don’t do it in public. But seriously, I’m really curious as to why men do this.

8- Leaving the toilet seat up

Okay, this is something that you usually notice after you’ve been dating for a while and by then, you can’t really do anything about it. 99% of the guys I’ve dated do this. Only one guy didn’t have this awful habit. Men, please, put the seat down. And also, aim inside of the bowl, s’il vous plaît?

7-Shallow conversation for more than 5 minutes

This should apply to everyone in general, I believe. If you talk to me about the gym, your hair, how much money you got, celebrity gossip, or some other inane thing like that for more time than it takes for us to break the ice, I will not waste my time talking to you a second time.

6- Bad Table Manners

I once went out on a date with a guy who took me to an ice cream parlor. We ordered waffle cones and ate them while walking around town. It was March so it was still a bit chilly, but not that cold. This dude spilled the ice cream all over him. His excuse for doing so was the cold breeze. He looked so messy and…sticky. Gross. I couldn’t even finish my own ice cream.  Please, go back to your momma and tell her to teach you some manners before you take a girl out.

5- Burps/Farts

Do I need to say more? It’s rude, don’t do it. Oh, and the same guy from the ice cream incident burped so loud in the car when we were driving back to my house, I really felt like kicking him out of the car.

4-Not offering to pay for the check on the first date.

Now, you’d think all men should know this by now but apparently, not all do.  Although this has never happened to me, I do know of a few cases in which this has occurred. Gee, where are all the gentlemen? While it’s true that women demand for equality, offering to pay the check is a question of courtesy. Guys, even if the girl insists on paying, DON’T EVER LET HER PAY THE FIRST TIME!

3- Gross Nails

This includes long nails and especially dirty nails. When I see a guy with either dirty or long nails all I can think about is: you plan to touch me with those hands?  No way! I think I speak for all women when I say this is a huge turn-off.

2- Bad Breath/B.O.

I know I don’t always smell like roses and my breath is not always minty-fresh, but if you know that your body is going to be close to someone else’s, please shower and have a Tic-Tac. I’m not saying guys should put on expensive cologne. One guy I dated never wore perfume and I found his smell to be deliciously intoxicating and really, he just smelled clean. Personally, I am very sensitive to smells. Therefore, I can’t stand the thought of being close to someone who smells bad.

1-Bad Spelling

I know this is just me being psycho, but I despise bad spelling and those who commit this crime. I find it  repellent and repulsive. It makes me not want to read what you have to say. In my mind, I will ridicule you and think you’re still in 5th grade and learning to spell words for the first time. I make a few exceptions, though. Such as my foreign language or second language students. But if they’re writing in their mother tongue, really there is no excuse. Maybe it’s because I’m a teacher but this is my number one pet peeve. Ironically, I’ve dated mostly guys with bad spelling and I even made fun of some of them right to their face. One time I received a hand-written love letter that was plagued with spelling errors. What did I do? I took a red pen, corrected all the mistakes and returned it to the author asking him to please re-write it correctly. At that time, I was not a teacher yet. And surprisingly, the guy didn’t dump me.

*This is a bit of an exaggerated statement. When you’re head-over-heels in love with someone, it’s like someone puts a blindfold around your eyes and you see no flaw in them. Please don’t take this post too seriously. 🙂

Welcome Party

7 Sep

I had a great time on my Labor Day weekend. For one, I got to call people in Colombia and brag about the fact that I had Monday off and they didn’t. And also, we had a little welcome party for a friend who just moved to the US last week. We, Colombians, are taking over the Carolinas!

So here’s a photo-tour of my weekend…

Here is my friend Duvan who just moved to Fayetteville. And Dilly who moved to Sumter, SC last month.

I’m so vain I didn’t want to delete this photo because for the first time ever I don’t hate my profile! Duvan, I’m stealing your camera!

Here are some more awesome pictures…

Dancing with my BFF, like old times when we’d go out to eat Mexican pizza and get drunk on fruity cocktails.

And here’s my new BFF and I. At some point, we danced together because those silly boys wouldn’t ask us. But seriously, who needs boys with such a great dance partner?

And here’s the whole gang

Something really amusing happened during this party. I met someone who’s originally from a country in Europe and instead of having a normal conversation with said person about, I don’t know, the weather, I started telling him about how his hometown was on the very bottom of my “List Of Cities in Europe I’m Dying to Visit.” I seriously must have said how uninteresting his city was at least 5 times. The guy just smiled and said he appreciated my honesty. I think I don’t need to say I was totally drunk. The funny part is I knew I was talking nonsense but I could not make myself shut up. Who knows how many other incredibly stupid things I must have said!  Oddly, I only remembered this until this morning when I was falling asleep in Math Class and I was trying to think of something funny to keep me awake.

And finally here’s my favorite picture of me ever…

And for me to say I love a picture of me is a very, very rare thing.