Archive | December, 2010

Oh Yeah, I Have A Blog

1 Dec

Well, life has been overwhelmingly busy lately. Seriously, these past few weeks I’ve had a lot on my plate. And on my mind. And my shopping cart on Amazon.com and my credit card bill too but I don’t want to think about that right now.

As I’ve probably said a million times before, it’s not like I am required to write on this little old blog of mine, but this site is my personal project to improve my writing and I do feel bad when I neglect it for so long. Besides, it is sort of therapeutic to write cathartic rants about everything that goes wrong in life.  It’s definitely nothing like when people write totally shallow and inane Facebook updates and then other people reply by saying you’re full of shit. I do complain when I read weird and unintelligible updates. I just don’t do it out loud. I call it Internet Etiquette.

And also, doesn’t it make you feel important when you not only get to write spiteful, bitter posts but also get to publish them for the whole Internet to read? It’s like I’m almost famous. Wait, maybe I am full of it after all.

Ahem.

Anyway, I thought I’d give my non-existent readers a little life update. And because I am predictable like that, I am writing it in bullets! Let me think, what has happened since the last time I wrote here…

–          I dressed up for Halloween for the first time in my adult life.  Frankly, this has been the best Halloween since the one in which I stopped dressing up and a random guy kissed me on the driveway of a neighbor’s house. I went as Vampire Queen and everyone loved my outfit. I witnessed a lot of crazy things that night too. I saw a guy get arrested, which was kind of scary. I saw two men fighting and I was so close, I could actually hear the punches. And then I saw a girl dressed as a police officer make out with another girl dressed as Sexy Mrs. Santa Claus. (By the way, the girl dressed as Santa made out with half of the people at the club as well). To sum it up, it was one wild Halloween night.

–          I went to about a hundred seminars and conferences. In some of them, I learned a lot. In others, not so much. At first, I was thrilled with the packing and the excitement of taking a road trip but when I got home and had to unpack, the fun was over. Most of the travel expenses were paid by my employer so I really should not be complaining. Especially, since I got to stay at the Hilton Hotel one time. And speaking of that, what’s up with you Hilton Hotel charging two bucks an hour for the WiFi when cheaper hotels like Holiday Inn give me free Internet 24/7? And also, would it kill you to give me free breakfast? I am paying you 325 dollars a night after all. Well, I am not paying you exactly, but still, EPIC FAIL!

–          I painted my room! All by myself! Zero Help! Except from my roommate who helped me move some furniture.  My room looks awesome right now. It went from these awful green stripes:

To this beautiful color:

I have no idea what to color this color. Pink? Flesh? Peach? If anyone’s interested in the name is Valspar’s New Penny. And along with this comforter I bought on Black Friday, my room now looks like this:

–          Oh, yeah. I went shopping on Black Friday and honestly, I think I won’t do it again next year. I got some good deals but it can be too tiring and frustrating.  We woke up at 3:30 AM and by 4:30 I had this queasy feeling in my stomach, I’d thought I would throw up at Best Buy. Luckily for me, it wasn’t as bad as last year.

–          Some shitty things have happened at work recently, but since I have a No Blogging About Work Policy, I can’t talk about them. However, not everything is bad and I have this student who is just hilarious and comes up with the craziest answers ever. He makes me laugh so much. I don’t laugh right to his face, though. But sometimes, I can’t help giggling a little.

So I will finally leave you with a few excerpts of conversations that I’ve had with this student (whom I will refer to as N) during class.

Enjoy!

M

___________________________________________________________________________________

Me: So, where does the fertilized egg becomes an embryo?
N: The uretus!

Me: I think you mean the uterus

N: Hmm.

____________________________________________________________________________

Me: What is reproduction?

N: Hormones

Me: Not exactly. Try to explain it in your own words.

N: Oh yeah, when hens have babies.

Me: Uh, what?

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Me: What does infertility mean?

N: Infidelity is when people can’t have children

Me: I think the word is infertility

N: Oh, yeah. Infertilization

Me: Okay. *sighs*

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Me: So, can you sum up what preeclampsia is?

N: When you get scared and pee yourself.

Me: That’s not quite right.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Me: Sperm mature in the vas deferens…

N: Like a mango?

Me: No, like…

N: What is semen?

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Me: *coughs*

N: Bless you

Me: Um, N, people usually say “bless you” when another person sneezes.

N: Yeah, but I like to do it when they cough too. Otherwise, they’ll die.

Me: Um, well, in that case, uh, thank you?

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