Annoyed

4 Sep
I’m so…annoyed, for lack of a better word. There’s this thing about my personality that I absolutely detest, and that is the fact that I am the least confrontational person ever. As in, I avoid conflict at all costs. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my fair share of arguments and fights, but they have involved mostly one or two family members and/or whoever I happened to be romantically attached to at the time. However, when it comes to face-to-face arguments with random people, “friends”, coworkers and the like, I simply cannot do it. Instead, I sulk and I pout all by myself and I replay the situation/offense in my head over and over again. And you know what? That’s a fucking drain. And you know what else? Because of being a non-confrontational person, I let other people take advantage of me and even bully me sometimes. Actually, non-confrontational is a euphemism for coward and chicken-shit. That’s another of the many things I would like to change about myself.

One would think that teaching all these years has given me some balls, right? Well, it has. It is so easy to stand up to students and scold them. Ultimately, you know you’re in control as the teacher, so it is justified as you’re only trying to discipline them. I almost never get angry or lose my cool with kids, but for the sake of keeping them disciplined I have to fake being really angry at them when they act up, and trust me, it totally works.

In other situations I rock at arguing. You should see me on the phone with an IT guy or a telemarketer; I can easily chew their ass out and I can be mean and nasty (I’m not like that in reality) And don’t get me started on e-mail, text message or FB Wall arguments, ‘cause I can turn into freaking Cruela DeVil then.

But then there’s the other side of me in which I can’t stand up for myself. There have been these people in my life that make me close up like a clam and I JUST CANNOT SAY WHAT I’M REALLY THINKING TO THEM.

At many points in my life, I have been surrounded by this kind of people. Some of them have been (and still are) very important to me and more than just acquaintances. Others are people I really don’t care much for. So, I ask myself, why the hell do I let them intimidate me so freaking much?
I want to be able to argue with people, tell them what I’m thinking, especially when they’re wrong without choking up on my words while tears of frustration and anger stream down my face.

I really want to get over this.

End of rant

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8 Responses to “Annoyed”

  1. Oriana September 5, 2011 at 9:03 am #

    The same thing happens to me, I understand you a lot even though you don’t believe me. As I was reading your blog some pictures of my own experiences came to my mind. It is very frustrating when people treat you as if you didn’t know a thing and you end up like a fool that cannot stop their emotions and help crying in front of everybody. Lately, I haven’t experienced those feelings, I think I’m stronger now, I just don’t take things that personal. However, I haven’t learned how to argue using believable arguments that really make the other person shut his mouth. You only have to learn to deal and live with the way you are (that is totally ok), that’s what I do. Love you, Big hugs. Your friend Ori. P.S.: I’m sorry about my English but I’m waaaay rusty.

    • Mangocita September 5, 2011 at 10:40 am #

      Ori,

      I do believe you. Arguing is hard. It’s definitely not for everyone. I do believe we have to stand up for ourselves, as hard as it may seem. If you don’t do that for yourself, then who would?

      But I like what you say about learning to deal with the way we are.

      Your English still sounds pretty good to me 🙂

      Love you too!

      Hugs,
      M

  2. johannsalas September 6, 2011 at 9:07 am #

    Like Oriana said, as I was reading I was putting myself into the same situations, I suck so much at confrontation that I almost always think in my mind (10 min later) what would have been the perfect answer to fight back an argument, I like avoiding conflict too, don’t know if it is for my lack of security or just because I don’t want to put more drama on my life.

    I know it’s coward but I just sometimes wants to run like forest gump out of the situation, and when I do have to deal with them… Oh God.

    PS: this time I copied pasted my comment I knew it was going to be erase like the other time HA !

    • Mangocita September 6, 2011 at 5:56 pm #

      I’m glad you got to comment this time!

      Good to know I am not the only one who fears confrontation as much as I do. It is a tough thing to deal with.

  3. Karla Arzuza September 6, 2011 at 5:33 pm #

    I think we all are in the same position many times, more than we would like to, in my personal case I avoid confrontations because I know I can hurt people really badly (it has happened) but sometimes you just don’t take it anymore and you let the bomb explode, that’s just human nature. As Oriana said we need to learn to accept ourselves and others they way they are and do not take everything in the personal level. 🙂

    • Mangocita September 6, 2011 at 5:58 pm #

      You’re right, we should learn not to take things personally.

      Love that pic of your baby btw.

      M

  4. jucaagsa September 9, 2011 at 8:56 am #

    I think you should take into account the person who is in front of you as well as the situation you’re involved in. Sometimes they aren’t worth either a word or your time.

    Kisses.

    • Mangocita September 9, 2011 at 6:18 pm #

      You’re absolutely right, mon ami!

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