Thought Dump

5 Sep

For a long time, I used to think my absolute favorite color was purple. Then, I fell in love with turquoise. Later, I started to favor teal. However, lately I have felt a certain inclination to coral. With time, I came to realize that I am not an absolute kind of person. In other words, I should not declare anything in my life to be an absolute X simply because I am fickle and will change my mind. At any rate, I am just talking about something as vain as one’s favorite color, and I’m sure by this point, whoever is reading this might be wondering where this random soliloquy is leading to.

The answer is…nowhere.

The fact that I haven’t written here for the past two months and then come back to babble something about colors does not escape me. The fact is since I started working again, I have felt really overwhelmed and random thoughts come to my mind during my long work commute. I just felt like I had to put those thoughts forth into the universe somehow. So this post is some kind of thought dump, wherein some of my thoughts are dumped in a virtual recycle bin.

*So, I moved. With my fiance.  An hour away from the place where I work. It takes me an hour to get to work. It.Is.Killing.Me! (The drive, not the living with J part) I know people think I really should not complain because I’m not a special snowflake who is the first person to do this. But still, it sucks going from an 8 minute drive to a 60 min one.

*Even though living together with your significant other has its pros and cons, I think the good outweighs the bad. Sure, he gets annoyed when I remind him to do the dishes and I’m less than pleased when he makes a mess in the living room. In the end, it all works out because we’re in love and willing to make it work. All I can say is, it has made me really happy and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

*I hate the word fiance. I can’t bring myself to say it. I just say “my boyfriend”.

*It seems like maybe, we have a wedding date set, but we’re not sharing it yet so as not to jinx it. It’s not going to be a huge event anyway. Very intimate and private, which is what we both want. However, it still requires some planning and logistics, and I just can’t fathom my life if I had to plan my wedding and write my thesis at the same time. I just can’t.  At times, I just kind of want to elope 🙂

*I have so many thoughts about the wedding industry by the way. I should write a complete post about that some other time.

*These past two weeks, there have been days when I have felt like I just want to quit school. Stupid, I know. This is my second to last course. Graduation is so close I can taste it. But I feel like I’m drained. Don’t get me wrong, I love studying. I just don’t love studying, working, driving an hour to work and back, being a housewife, and trying to have a life at the same time. J tells me that I will make it, that I always do even when I feel like I won’t. However, I feel spent. I want to focus on me, not on doing chores and completing a stupid To-Do List that seems to get longer and longer each week. Ultimately, I know I won’t do it. I have worked too hard to let it all go to waste now, but the option of just throwing in the towel is so tempting.

*I’d better go to sleep now because it’s almost 10 PM and I have to wake up at freaking 5 AM.


2 Responses to “Thought Dump”

  1. Jason September 17, 2012 at 12:44 pm #

    I’m really sorry my love I didn’t think that the drive was bothering you that much, and if it’s any consolation I love you more everyday and appreciate your sacrifice immensely. Te amo

  2. Ori April 23, 2013 at 1:23 pm #

    Loved it MJo! J’s message as well 🙂

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